“The following takes place between 10:00 AM and 11:00 AM”

“We’re heading in now Chloe, Kobe you take the right wing and I’ll take the left”

“I’m on it Jack”

“Agent Kobe on three, one, two…”

“Three!”

“Empty!”

“Chloe, Buss is not on the premises. Have our team search the area”

“Jack, Kobe I found something. A note with a name on it. There’s a mole in the Laker organization”

“A mole… I should have known, who is it Agent Odom?”

“I only have a first name. Vlade”

“Radmanovic… I should have known Jack”

“Don’t let it get to you Agent Bryant. It’s not your fault. That son of a b*tch had us all fooled. Chloe, can you tell us where Vladimir Radmanovic is currently”

“Jack, he’s currently at the staples center practice facility, but he’s not actually practicing”

“As usual… Let’s go Jack, Lamar”

“10:30 AM”

“Hey Vlad”

“Kobe!! It’s good to see you, I’ve been here working on my game”

“Is that right? Maybe you should have thought about that last season!”

“Haha, what do you mean Kobe?”

“Don’t move Vlad!!! Now where’s Audrey!!!!…. err. I mean where is Jerry Buss?!”

“I don’t know! What do you want from me?!”

“I did my duty on Smush today and if you think I’ll go easy on you, you’re dead wrong. Do not test me Vlad do you understand me”

“Hold on Jack. Something’s not right here. Vlad couldn’t even lie properly about a skiing accident how can he be behind this… Unless this was a setup!”

“Put it down Bauer. It’s over”

“Nobody likes to be traded Kobe. I did what I had to.”

“You could have stopped while you were ahead, you could have signed on the Clippers or even the Bulls. Did you really think I ever left Kobe?”

“You’ll pay for this Divac”

“The following takes place between 9:00 AM and 10:00 AM”

“I see Kupchak’s car outside Jack. He’s heading up to his office. Remember we can’t have any mistakes, he can’t be let off again.”

“I’m on it Kobe.”

“Hey what are you doing you’re not allowed in here”

“Shut up!”

“I don’t want to hurt you, but I will if I have too. Just tell me what I want to know and this can all be over. Who are you working for, why haven’t you traded Bynum?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

“Don’t lie to me! The pain I will unleash will be indescribable. Do not test me Mitch. I am not Kobe. Do you understand me?!”

“Hey what’s going on in here”

“If you don’t tell me what I want to know, I will be forced to hurt Smush! Can you live with that on your conscience?!!”

“Please Mitch just tell him what he wants to know!!!!”

“I’m telling you, I don’t know anything”

“You son of a b*tch. You don’t care about anyone but yourself do you? You don’t care about Kobe or winning a championship at all”

“I guess you won’t be needing these keys to your Jag then”

“You wouldn’t”

“Just try me Mitch. Give me a name or the Jag comes with me”

“Okay okay! It was Buss! Jerry Buss. He didn’t want to trade Bynum so I lied to Kobe, I had no choice. Please just let go of the keys, I’ve told you everything I know I swere!”

“Kobe, we got em”

“When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong”

“So, are we gonna be talking about my contract extension soon?”

“Oh… Uhh.. Of course.. And what was your name again son?”

“Darko sir!”

“Corko, my boy, let me tell you something.. The Magic are doing all they can to sign you! Don’t worry, I keep it real”

“It’s actually Darko sir! But thank you! I’m so relieved”

*The Next Day*

“And this will be your office, Mr. Lewis”

“Hey guys!!! Come on, you know that’s my office! Quit fooling around”

“Oh Zorko, you didn’t get my fax?”

“What fax sir?”

“Look Garko, baby, it’s not really that you’re fired.. But.. Well… Maybe, Rashard can put it into words better than me”

“Yo’ ass just don’t work here no more”

“I guess it’s back to my old job”

“When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong”

“Hey, what do you say we go get a beer after the game”

“I don’t know if I should Mike.. I have important GM stuff I gotta do”

“Not even one drink? Looks like Toronto’s made you soft Bryan”

“I guess one drink couldn’t hurt. I’ll keep it real!”

*The Next Day*

“Man, my head is killing me! What happened last night Sam? Tell me I didn’t do anything stupid”

“Well… You did give Kapono a 4 year, 24 million dollar contract”

“Very funny Sam”

“Who’s laughing?”

“You’re not getting me this week, I know it’s not April 1st”

“…………..”

“Oh god!”

“When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong”

“I’ve called this conference today to say the Knicks are moving up a tier in the NBA! I present to you Larry Brown, our new head coach!! We’ll now be fielding questions”

“Isiah, what do you plan to do about the mismatched talent on this team?”

“Why you gotta bring that up son? Larry is gonna to take this team to the next level. I guarantee it..”

“In fact I’ll do better than guarantee… I’ll keep it real! Conference over”

“Dude, this team sucks!!”

“I know right”

“When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong”

“Pass it right back”

“No way. I’m keepin’ it real!”

“Anderson Varejao is gonna take that shot! I can spot a man who keeps it real anywhere Jeff”

“How do you know what other players are thinking?”

“I can read minds”

“Looks like Spurs win Jeff”

“I’m sorry Lebron. It was my mistake. We’re still cool right?”

“Sure man. No big deal. Me and you are like this!”

*10 Minutes After Game*

“Trade his ass Ferry”

“Yes sir!!!!!”

“Oh well. I kept it real”

“When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong”

“Danny maybe you can get me some help this year, you know trade some of those draft picks”

“What?! No! I keep it real! We’re going to get Oden in the draft this year I promise! Now go sit out”

“Fine!”

*Later*

“And with the fifth pick in the NBA draft, the Boston Celtics selec-“

“Oh man then you told Pierce what!”

“I told him I keep it real!”

“When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong”

“You know what, it’s not even worth it Wallace”

“I’m just gonna keep my cool right here”

“Ahh hell naw!”

“Keepin’ it real b*tch!!”

“81 game suspension”

“I keep it real”

“When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong”

“Find me a point guard already Riley!”

“But everyone’s takin’ Mickey… What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t care how you do it.. Just do it! You get me?”

“Don’t worry Pat, I keep it real”

*Later*

“You sure this is the place Coach?”

“Yes… This is definitely the place alright”

“Hi there!!! Can I help you boys out?”

“Which one of you can play point?!”

“What’s a point?”

“How about the veteran’s minimum?”

“What do you mean sir?”

“So you wanna play hardball eh? Well you’re messing with the wrong person! Now get in the car!!!”

“Coach!! Remember what happened last time”

“Fine!!”

“How about part of the MLE?”

“We’re gonna have to ask you to leave sir”

“Okay, okay… The whole MLE!”

“Leave now or I’m calling security”

“Have it your way! I’ll be back… I keep it real”

“When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong”

“Three years 21 million dollars?! Man that’s insulting. I got kids to feed, Kevin! I keep it real!!!”

*2 years later*

“Get your autograph and picture with former basketball star Latrell Sprewell for only $5.00”