“Guys, I want to personally thank all of you for making the right choice, and attending this camp. I know it can be hard… Okay, maybe that wasen’t the best choice of words. ”
“But the fact remains the same! You will not regret learning the art of abstinence here in my camp. Afterall, I mastered the art of not getting laid for over 20 consecutive seasons!”
“The road will be long and hard… Err.. Just do as I say not as I do… Damn it! Just come outside to the pier guys”
“Oh boy this is gonna be awesome!!! I’m glad you’re here with me Yi”
“Is this major abstinence camp?”
“I don’t know… A.C told me nobody needs to know… So I guess it’s kind of small”
“Yi want out! Yi want outttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Okay guys, you’re gonna learn how to ski… The water will take your mind off women. The soft curvy waves, as you thrust through the sea…. Oh yes!! Oh god yesssssss!!!!!”
“You okay A.c?”
“Of course! Don’t be ridiculous now get on those waterskis!”
“I’m on it… Get it “on it”!!”
“Yes, yes very funny Vlad.. Now let’s go”
*Miles Ahead*
“Come on win, damn it!!!”
“Little Sprewell ain’t got nothing on my pit bull, face it’
“Yo Spree, who’s that fool waterskiing over there? He looks out of control… I think he’s gonna crash into your yacht”
“Your honor, this man broke the terms of my contract”
“Do you have any proof of this?”
“Yes I do your honor! Right here in Section 3B, it reads ‘you are not allowed to steal Dirk’s manhood’ in bold print! Mr. Nelson here clearly did!” “It’s true I did”
“There! Right from his own mouth your honor”
“I’m sorry I wasen’t paying attention… What was it you said Mr. Nelson?”
“What? I didn’t say anything”
“Stop your lying Nelson!!! No matter, I brought a witness… Dirk!”
“Is what this man saying true, Mr. Nowitzki?”
“Yes… It’s true… I was violated…”
“I brought this photograph as proof of the theft”
“Nelson should have to pay for emotional damage sustained by Dirk! Your honor, my witness can no longer even yell at Terry.. He laughs at him! As do I….. The point is Nelson owes me!”
“Objection your honor! I brought my own witness”
“Oh goody!!! Bring him out”
“In 2006, I just wanted to greet Dirk, but he kicked me! He kicked me right in the pedal!!”
“Objection! The bike had no place in that hall!!”
“Objection overruled Mr. Cuban”
“I don’t see a problem with what the Warriors did… I do it all the time”
“My head hurts… I’m calling for recess. If you need me I’ll be outside shooting 3s”
“By combining the DNA of Larry Bird and Wilt Chamberlain I have created the ultimate basketball player!”
“Come see the amazing Walker!!! Best player in the world”
“I’m glad you all came here today. What I’m about to show you is the 9th wonder of the world! The best player of all time, the future G.O.A.T if you will. He has been achieved through my genius!!”
“Release the curtains!!!!”
“Behold my genius!”
“No!!!!!! Nooooooooooooooo!!!!! Stop shooting so many threes!!!!!”