Unexplained Mysteries: Carmelo’s Medal

December 30, 2007   ·   No Comments   ·   By


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“Unexplained Mysteries”

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“Ya keepin your bronze”
“Yeah… Why, what are you gonna do with it?”

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“You kiddin? I’m chuckin’ that sh*t homie”

*Later*

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“Carmelo, thank you for taking the time out for this exclusive interview”

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“Go ahead, ask me anything”

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“Well.. Rumor has it you chucked your bronze medal on a bridge somewhere. Is that true?”

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“Nah son, that’s just a rumor. I got it right here, just give me a sec”

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“……………….”

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“!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

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“See, here it is”

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“That’s a gold coin. Wait a minute.. Are you… Are you eating it?”

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“No”

Unexplained Mysteries: Larry Hughes’ Prank

December 30, 2007   ·   No Comments   ·   By


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“Unexplained Mysteries”

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“I got an idea”

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“I’ll distract him and you cut”

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“What the hell?”

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“…………………”

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“!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

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Unexplained Mysteries: Of Boats and Dogs

December 30, 2007   ·   No Comments   ·   By


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“Unexplained Mysteries”

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“Guys, I want to personally thank all of you for making the right choice, and attending this camp. I know it can be hard… Okay, maybe that wasen’t the best choice of words. ”

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“But the fact remains the same! You will not regret learning the art of abstinence here in my camp. Afterall, I mastered the art of not getting laid for over 20 consecutive seasons!”

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“The road will be long and hard… Err.. Just do as I say not as I do… Damn it! Just come outside to the pier guys”

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“Oh boy this is gonna be awesome!!! I’m glad you’re here with me Yi”

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“Is this major abstinence camp?”

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“I don’t know… A.C told me nobody needs to know… So I guess it’s kind of small”

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“Yi want out! Yi want outttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!”

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“Okay guys, you’re gonna learn how to ski… The water will take your mind off women. The soft curvy waves, as you thrust through the sea…. Oh yes!! Oh god yesssssss!!!!!”

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“You okay A.c?”

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“Of course! Don’t be ridiculous now get on those waterskis!”

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“I’m on it… Get it “on it”!!”

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“Yes, yes very funny Vlad.. Now let’s go”

*Miles Ahead*

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“Come on win, damn it!!!”

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“Little Sprewell ain’t got nothing on my pit bull, face it’

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“Yo Spree, who’s that fool waterskiing over there? He looks out of control… I think he’s gonna crash into your yacht”

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“What?”
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“Oh shii…”

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“Damn it the dogs!!!”

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“Just, what’s going on here?”

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“Nothing, right Spree… Nothing’s going on here”

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“Wait, where you going man?!”

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“I got kids to feed homie… You’re on your own”

Unexplained Mysteries: Darko Milicic

December 30, 2007   ·   No Comments   ·   By


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“Unexplained Mysteries”

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“Lynn, I’m taking off early today, got a date with the wife. Don’t worry, I locked the office”

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“Okay, Mr. West.. You have fun now!”

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“……………..”

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*Click*

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“!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

*Later*

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“When’d you sign him Jerry?”

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“Good question…. I have no freaking idea!”

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“I came to the office this morning and the paperwork was all finished”

Antoine Walker and Friends: Episode 13

December 29, 2007   ·   No Comments   ·   By


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“Walker and Friends”

-Season 3-

“Episode 13: Judge Walker”

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“Your honor, this man broke the terms of my contract”

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“Do you have any proof of this?”

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“Yes I do your honor! Right here in Section 3B, it reads ‘you are not allowed to steal Dirk’s manhood’ in bold print! Mr. Nelson here clearly did!” don_nelson_082906_xlg1.jpg
“It’s true I did”

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“There! Right from his own mouth your honor”

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“I’m sorry I wasen’t paying attention… What was it you said Mr. Nelson?”

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“What? I didn’t say anything”

262360404_1d24223b97.jpg “Stop your lying Nelson!!! No matter, I brought a witness… Dirk!”

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“Is what this man saying true, Mr. Nowitzki?”

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“Yes… It’s true… I was violated…”

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“I brought this photograph as proof of the theft”

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“Nelson should have to pay for emotional damage sustained by Dirk! Your honor, my witness can no longer even yell at Terry.. He laughs at him! As do I….. The point is Nelson owes me!”

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“Objection your honor! I brought my own witness”

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“Oh goody!!! Bring him out”

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“In 2006, I just wanted to greet Dirk, but he kicked me! He kicked me right in the pedal!!”

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“Objection! The bike had no place in that hall!!”

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“Objection overruled Mr. Cuban”

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“I don’t see a problem with what the Warriors did… I do it all the time”

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“My head hurts… I’m calling for recess. If you need me I’ll be outside shooting 3s”

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“There’s no baskets here Judge Walker”

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“Who said anything about baskets?”

Antoine Walker and Friends: Episode 12

December 29, 2007   ·   No Comments   ·   By


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“Walker and Friends”

-Season 2 Finale-

“Episode 12: King of the Jack”

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“Damp, a little to the right!!!!!!”

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“What the hell was that?! Croshere could have made that!!! Croshere! Damp, get your ass to the bench right now!!”

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“Sorry coach, I’m a little stressed out.. I’m in this contest and -”

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“Contest???!!! Contest!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

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“I don’t want to look at you right now! Contest!!! Mark’s gonna hear about this! Get your ass to the locker room”

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“I gotta relieve the stress… I suppose just this one time Shaq won’t find out”

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“Just this one time”

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“Looks like you’re out”

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“Shaq?! What are you doing here!!! Oh god! Why does it burn!!!!”

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“Oh that, you may want to check what’s in that lotion bottle”

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“I call it Icy Hot”

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“I got a patch too for what’s left of it Erica”

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“You bastard!!”

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“Oh you crying Erica?? Because.. I…”

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“Won The Contest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

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“I am Master of my Domain”

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“And so ends Season 2 of Walker of Friends with the King of the Jack revealed to be Shaq”

Antoine Walker and Friends: Episode 11

December 28, 2007   ·   No Comments   ·   By


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“Walker and Friends”

-Season 2-

“Episode 11: Master of Your Domain”

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“Nice job out there Joey”

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“That’s it Cassell, I’ve had it with your crap. You’re out of here!!!”

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“That’s bullsh*t! You can’t throw me out Joey. I didn’t do anything!!!”

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“Do something! He can’t just toss me! We’re gonna miss the playoffs if I go out!”

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“Okay you know what? That’s fine. This one’s for you Joey”

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“Sam, what the hell are you doing?!!!!”

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“I’m out”

*Over in Miami*

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“Walker!!!!”

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“You’ve shot your last 3! If I see you practicing that shot one more time I’m sending you home for good!”

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“But what will I do with my free time coach?”

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“I don’t care! Just find something constructive to do! Now get out of my sight!”

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“Yes coach”

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“Walker for threeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

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“Ah!!!! Damn it Walker!! It’s all over the walls!!!!”

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“I’m out”

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“And so there were two! Who will win The Contest? Find out on the season 2 finale of Walker and Friends!”

Antoine Walker and Friends: Episode 10

December 28, 2007   ·   No Comments   ·   By


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“Walker and Friends”

-Season 2-

“Episode 10: The Contest”

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“I was alone…”

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“She caught you”

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“Yes… I was not master of my domain”

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“We should have a contest”

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“I’m in”

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“You’ll be out before we leave the coffee shop Griffin”

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“Okay so it’s set, who’s in?”

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“IN!”

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“Hey!!! What about me guys”

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“I don’t know if you can join Erica, it’s different for you”

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“Will you stop with that Erica stuff, come on let me in”

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“Fine, stop your crying Erica. We’ll see if you can be queen of the castle”

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“Okay so it’s the five of us! Everyone go $100 in”

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“Erica should have to go $150 in”

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“Damn it Shaq!”

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“I’m out”

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“And so there were four. Who will win The Contest? Find out on the next episode of Walker and Friends”

Antoine Walker and Friends: Episode 9

December 28, 2007   ·   No Comments   ·   By


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“Walker and Friends”

-Season 2-

“Episode 9: Origins of Toine”

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“It’s alive!!!!!”

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“Yes!!! Success!!!”

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“By combining the DNA of Larry Bird and Wilt Chamberlain I have created the ultimate basketball player!”

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“Come see the amazing Walker!!! Best player in the world”

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“I’m glad you all came here today. What I’m about to show you is the 9th wonder of the world! The best player of all time, the future G.O.A.T if you will. He has been achieved through my genius!!”

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“Release the curtains!!!!”

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“Behold my genius!”

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“No!!!!!! Nooooooooooooooo!!!!! Stop shooting so many threes!!!!!”

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“Nice try Jim”

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“My.. My genius….”

Antoine Walker and Friends: Episode 8

December 28, 2007   ·   No Comments   ·   By


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“Walker and Friends”

-Season 2-

“Episode 8: You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Angry”

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“Hey Toine, come with us. Coach is giving out free donuts in the locker room.”

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“Oh boy free donuts!!!”

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“I don’t understand guys there’s no donuts in here. Why’d you call me off the court?”

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“You know we care about you Toine. But I think you need to come to terms with something.”

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“I don’t understand”

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“You shoot too many damn 3s Walker! Isn’t it obvious?!”

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“You guys are making me angry… You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry”

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“Oh no Walker is mad guys!”

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“Get a grip Walker or I’ll have you on the bench quicker than Doleac”

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“……….”

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“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

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“Damn, hell’s wrong with you Walker?”

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“Guys this doesn’t look good… I think he’s turning into… into…”

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“TOINEZILLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

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“Oh no what’s that over there”

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“No it can’t be… We just rebuilt last week. Not… Toinezilla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

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“Tell me not to shoot 3s and deceive me with donuts will you.. No sir I don’t like it”