“Dr. Buss! How do you respond to Kobe’s allegation’s that you’re not trying to improve the Lakers?

“Ko- Who? Sorry I’m busy right now”

“First off, I’d like to thank all of you for coming on short notice”

“I’d like to bury these heinous rumors! Let me say there’s a time and a place for everything… And it’s called Reuben Patterson’s house”

“So as you can see, this woman is simply after Zeke’s mone-”

“Mr. Thomas, DNA evidence has been found as of 10 am this morning. How do you respond?”

“Get Francis in here.. He’s gonna need to take the fall on this one”

“Sir, you fired Francis”

“I did what?!”

“Mr. Thomas you haven’t responded to my question”

“Here’s my response… Son have you won two championships?

“No I haven’t……”

“Well Zeke has”

“But what does that have to do with anythin-”

“This conference is over”

Rubio’s agent Dan Fegan has given notice to the Timberwolves that Ricky loves the franchise, and can’t wait to play for them.

However, he feels the Timberwolves would be better off in another city, preferably one with beaches and beautiful women. So not Minnesota.

“We’re not asking for much, Ricky and me simply feel the Timberwolves would be better off somewhere else” Fegan stated.

Rubio has also requested Johnny Flynn remain in Minnesota after the Timberwolves find a new home.

Rasheed Wallace has threatened to retire if the Celtics choose to place him in the starting lineup.

“I can’t be effective playing this way. I’m not used to it. It’s tough for me both mentally and physically.

Friends close to Wallace say he wants to shoot threes from the bench and no more than 1-2 minutes per game.

Donnie Walsh was given the cold shoulder and had his advances rejected earlier this week. Both Jason Kidd as well as Grant Hill gave the greenlight to call, and even personally stored their numbers in Walsh’s cell.

However, neither picked up. After listening to Jason’s voicemail seventeen times in one hour, Walsh knew it was over.

Internal sources say Walsh went into a frenzy, screaming about how “he doesn’t need Kidd or Grant anyway”, writing 2010 all over his office walls, and demanding everyone hold hands and pray for Lebron.

One anonymous source claimed complete madness, citing one employee who was fired for failing to drink vitamin water. Another employee was similarly let go for forgetting a new Knicks policy of not shaking hands in preparation for James.

BSPN has learned the now infamous dunk tape will be auctioned for charity. The winner however, will have to sign off on one agreement.

Nike has attached a ‘no Youtube’ clause meaning the winner can not show the video nor spread it around the internet.

Only one person will enjoy the schadenfreude of the shameful dunk. No one else.

Rumor has it Lakers Kobe Bryant and Ron Artest as well as Heat guard Dwayne Wade are among the prospective bidders.

The auction will begin at noon tommorow at
www.Nike.com/lebron-just-got-dunked-on/

‘Wow! That was a nice dunk homie, ya got me! Hold on a sec,  I gotta make a quick phone call”

“It was really nice of you to hold this camp Mr. James. We were wondering if we could have a tape, a little memorabilia for the kids you know?”

“Oh, of course.  I’ll get right on it sir”

“Hey, it’s Lebron! Are there any recordings or tapes of today? Really, that’s great!! Erase them”

The New York Times reports the NBA as a leading employer for women for 2009.

Coincidentally, FIU is no longer a leading employer for women. Isiah Thomas could not be reached to comment.

Reports have it Mark Jackson has hired a new agent to get him a coaching job in the NBA. Only one thing is certain…. Please let it be the Knicks

Rumors are flying Danny Ainge is planning on a special welcome ceremony for Rajon Rondo this year! Mainly a one way ticket to Phoneix. Yes it’s vacation time in Celtics land and everyone knows Ainge loves dishing out the fun!

Antoine Walker was so happy with his, why he didn’t even need to come back!  Ainge will even be kind enough to throw in pal Ray Allen to the mix, just as long as Rondo promises to pass the necessary physical and not come back.