Top 5 Lakers Coaching Candidates

November 7, 2012   ·   1 Comment   ·   By


lakers-dantoni

1) Mike D’Antoni

Mike D’Antoni will bring everything he knows to the Los Angeles Lakers. A tried and true system of three point shots and non-related failure. Dantoni’s defensive system should be a smooth transition for the Lakeshow considering Pau Gasol hasn’t traveled to the other side of the court since 2010.

On offense, D’Antoni will have a player he’s familiar with, ole’ Steve Nash running things sans Phoenix medical staff. So expect Blake to be handling point duties for the rest of the season. Which is just fine, considering a point guards’ normal duties on the Lakers are to stand off to the side, pass the ball to Kobe, and occasionally chuck a three.

Gary Payton was an elite point guard once, but he simply couldn’t understand the triangle. The triangle being any play that doesn’t involve passing it to Kobe. A rotten egg that Payton!

 

lakers-sloan

2) Jerry Sloan

Jerry Sloan preaches tough love, defense, and hard work. In other words, the exact opposite of what this team stands for! Defense is just icky. Having to ‘body up’ some sweaty behemoth of a player is freaking gross. Plus he might force Pau to actually post up and stop taking shots from 40,000 feet away. Best to keep things the way they were.

Forget Sloan, that kind of ‘work ethic’ style thinking is dangerous. It’s old news. Sloan’s probably at his house right now, sitting in his old Utah Jazz pajamas and watching reruns of the 1998 NBA Finals. Picture him shutting off the TV right before Jordan crosses Russell every time. Is that what you want? What if all that hard work doesn’t come through?

Mike Brown promotes a much more relaxing atmosphere. Stick to what works.

 

lakers-jackson

3) Phil Jackson

The perfect choice. A man that knows how to handle egos, superstars, has a system the Lakers are acquainted with and aren’t about to surrender at this point of their careers.  Phil Jackson has 11 rings as a Head Coach.

The Zen Master is the greatest coach of all time, he didn’t get his rings in no ‘weak era’. Jackson, could take this team to spectacular heights. It has all the right ingredients: superstars. They just need some seasoning, veteran leadership, and defense.

Phil is also dating the bosses daughter and wants ten million dollars a season… Phil will not be hired.

 

lakers-shaq

4) Shaquille O’neal

Shaquille O’Neal is a big fan of Dwight Howard. He certainly doesn’t think that Andrew Bynum is better than him, no, no, no. Where did you hear such malarkey? He loves the idea that Dwight uses the Superman moniker and followed in his footsteps to come from the Magic to the Lakers. If you’ve listened to Shaq on Inside the NBA, you’re already well aware his wit easily rivals that of Shakespeare or Ben Jonson. He can bring this Lakers team together!

Shaq by the way,  didn’t scream at Jerry Buss to pay him in public. He was gently asking for a raise and overheard.  That settles it, hire him Mitch!

lakers-coachbe

5) Coachbe

Triangle, Mike Brown, offensive systems, defensive systems. All slang for the real plan: Pass it To Kobe. And scream at Pau every once in a while. Even when he’s doing well, actually especially when’s doing well.

Don’t want him getting fancy notions about who’s master and commander. Kobe “Coachbe” Bryant has what it takes and only a single game plan. ISO. Beautiful in its simplicity like an Apple product.

Kobe doesn’t dance around the question of what to do, whether it means chucking from beyond the arc or chucking while double teamed or even triple teamed.  He’ll even throw in yelling at Pau for free. Stop the charade, appoint Coachbe officially Mitch!

 

Till next time, I’m Nir Regev! BSPN’s head writer, standup comedian, and actor! See more of my comedy at Broscience, Youtube, and my old gigs at Rant Sports, and Heckler Spray!

Top 5 NBA Albums

July 27, 2012   ·   No Comments   ·   By


1) Back in Black

The First NY/KS Album recorded without former singer Jeremy Lin and dedicated to him. Dive right into classic Hits like “Shoot to Thrill” featuring new singer Carmelo Anthony with guest vocals from JR Smith. This hard hitting album officially brought the group back to it’s darker origins and got rid of any pesky foreign influence! Rumor has it the song “What Would You Do For Pocket Money, Honey” was co-written by James Dolan himself!

Looks like another season of “Hell’s Bells” for the group as they’ll only be touring at the 33-49 Festival. So go “Have a “Drink on Me”, because “Field Goal Percentage Isn’t Just Noise Pollution”!

 

*Felton’s Back in Black (Single Lyrics):

Back in Black. Knicks on My Sack. It’s been too long, eating another snack.

Yes I’m a let loose, go on the court lay another deuce.

They’ve kept me hanging about, I keep lookin’ at the sky

Because they got rid of that Asian Guy

Forget the herse, cause I’ll never die

I got nine lives

French Fries

Eating every one of them and walking wild

 

‘Cause I’m Baaaack

Yes, I’m Blaaaack

Well, I’m Baaaack

Yes, I’m Blaaaack

Wellllllll, Knicks are Baaacck in Blaaacckkkk

 

2) Evil Empire

The LP that started a phenomenon! After years of conflict, hall of fame bound rocker Steve Nash would join up with his arch rival in LA to put together a band of Misfits even Twisted Sister is scared of! Evil Empire has all the components of a true supergroup: real, gritty, and without soul. Sure, Nash was almost swayed to join his country men up North and start a flopping revolution the old fashioned way, but he wanted his message sent clear. Through the art of giving Kobe the ball. Every time down. Forever.

 

*Kobe’s Help on Parade (Single Lyrics):
Come with it Now
Come with it Pau

The Mamba Implodes, Coming at a Crossroads

Ya either drop the shots like de la Ghetto or blame Pau for not putting on his stilettos

With Nash we got a sure shot, he’s sure to make his body flop

Drop and don’t copy yo, just don’t call this the Kobe Show

 

Rally Around Mike Brown

With a pocket full of plays

Kobe’s Helpppp on Paradeeeee

Kobe’s Helpppp on Paradeeeee

3) No Strings Attached

Admittedly, this remastered edition is built by a bunch of 1 year fillers and Dirk Timberitzki, but there’s no telling how many gigs ESPN will air! 1, maybe 2? This is a band that hit its prime with one star and the elderly. Now it will have to regroup with the hope that maybe, just maybe, another star will want to come to the house that frosted hair and broken dreams built.

 

*Bye Bye Bye Deron (Single Lyrics):

Don’t Wanna Be A Fool For Dirk

For me it ain’t nothing but Work

I’m not signing, baby it ain’t no lie

Baby Bye Bye Bye Bye

 
Don’t really wanna make it tough

Eastern conference is good enough

It might sound lazy, but it ain’t no lie

Baby Bye Bye Bye Bye

4) Ready to Lose

This rap album comes out swinging with the message that the Notorious 23 is ready for everything and anything! But mostly the lottery. Feel the heat as the Notorious 23 tells a riveting tale of gambling, deceit, and Adam Morrison. Hey, sometimes you win and sometimes you draft Kwame Brown. It is what it is.

*Big Scrub (Single Lyrics):

To all the lottery picks in the place with style and grace

Throw your hands in disgust, if you’re a true bust

I love it when they call me big scrub

How ya Livin MJ?

In Mansion with Benz, givin’ spots to my friends and it feels stupendous
 

5) Nevermind

An unexpected classic, singer Dwight led this band into the heights of the Orlando grunge scene with unexpected dirty (some might say sloppy) contributions from Hedo Turkoselvic. Now that he’s starting to be known, he wants to be apart of another label but doesn’t know which one he really wants. Or if he wants one at all. In fact, he’d like to forget the whole thing and stay in his current label. So he’s opting in. But wait, maybe yes he will sign with another label? But not extend. Or extend but not sign? Does that work? I don’t even know anymore. Or do I?

*Dwight Howard Breed(Single Lyrics):

I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care

I don’t care if it’s old

I don’t mind, I don’t mind, I don’t mind

Mind, don’t have a mind

 

Even if you want, even if you need

I don’t mean to sign, we don’t have to trade

We could plant a rumor, we could build a deal

I don’t even care, we could have none of the three

He said, He said

He said, He said

He said, He said

He said, He said

He Said
 

Written by Nir Regev

 

The Rise and Fall of Bryan Colangelo: Part 1

July 22, 2012   ·   2 Comments   ·   By


Bryan Colangelo Fired From Toronto Raptors

As the curtains draw on Bryan Colangelo’s tenure with the Toronto Raptors, fans and media alike are quick to denounce the Chicago native.

Celebration has erupted across Raptor Nation as they neuter a man they once viewed as their savior. In just another case, of ‘what have you done for me lately?’ in today’s growing insatiable hunger for instant results, Colangelo has become the Patsy for this Raptor organization. Taking the brunt, if not all the blame, for the team’s never-ending list of failures dating back to before Colangelo was ever a part of this merry band of conmen, P.R shapeshifters, and season ticket propaganda ‘marketing’ experts.

The media has taken like vultures eagerly pecking at Colangelo’s corpse, like a Canadian child who just opened his very first Kraft dinner. He’s portrayed as a chump, who didn’t have the faintest idea of what he was doing except signing any European with passable Visa credentials. A stubborn captain who put the whole responsibility of a franchise on the deck of an incompetent and leaky S.S Bargnani. A seemingly unmotivated young 7′ footer from Italy. They snicker about his former assistant Masai Ujiri (who Colangelo clashed with on a number of occasions) taking the so-called ‘mighty’ Raptor crown as his own.

But was it truly all Colangelo’s fault? Is he truly to blame for the Raptors lack of success for over a decade, and the epitome of a treadmill team? Or was the environment itself, Canada per say and its lack of adoration by the NBA’s best, the cause of a lackluster foundation?

Murphy’s Colangelo’s Law

Bryan Colangelo. From Executive of the Year, to the bottom of the NBA’s trash heap in terms of perception. What happened? How did everything go quite so wrong? Murphy’s Law, became a real-life spectacle in the city of Toronto. We all witnessed a man go from the best man for the job, a league prize, to no-direction Colangelo. But what direction can you have, when all your best crew abandoned ship? And no new sailors want to cross the ocean to help you rebuild?

Thanks for reading the introduction to this multi-part series detailing Bryan Colangelo’s journey from top guy to ‘he’s the GM why’? In Part 2, we’ll be looking at the The Early Years, Winning Executive of the Year, and Bryan’s attempt at building a Culture of Success.

 

Love Him or Hate Him: Bryan Colangelo Believed in Something

 

Written by Nir Regev

Top 10 NBA Boardgames

July 2, 2012   ·   2 Comments   ·   By


1) Atlanta Hawks Monopoly

No matter what you roll you never move or advance. It’s Atlanta Hawks Monopoly!
Hold on to the same properties, don’t trade with other players, draw a card out of the treasure chest to decide current owner and GM. It’s like holding ownership of Baltic Avenue forever!

*Pieces never subject to change. 2005-2012 Editions identical*

 

2) Minnesota Othello

Find out if you can flip all the black pieces into white ones! In Minnesota Othello, it’s your job to make sure you get rid of those pesky black pieces by any means possible. So change that frown upside down, or better yet turn it into Rubio.

*Playoffs or Wins unnecessary to achieve victory!*

 

3) Heat Twister

Right foot red, pivot foot green? Or was it pivot foot red, left foot green? Why it doesn’t matter! In Heat Twister, no matter what foot you use, you never lose! Switch pivot feet at will, look at ref, obtain championship. It’s Heat Twister, the game that’s pleased South Beach for generations!

*Streamlined rules for traveling. May take 40 steps. But not 41.. Okay 41*

 

4) Sorry! For Basketball Reasons

Bump, slide and switch trades in this classic David Stern approved game of sweet revenge! Best of all, you make the rules! Move your pawns, suspiciously give first pick, sell the team, accuse ESPN announcer of beating his wife when questioned about it. The fun is all here! It’s Sorry! For Basketball Reasons.

*Instruction Booklet under permanent revision*

 

5) Clippers Guess Who? Flopped

Was it Uncle Paul? Or Cousin Blake? Perhaps it was Coach Del Negro on the bench? It’s Clippers Guess Who? Flopped! The ultimate game of mystery.

*Correct Answer: All of the above at same time*

 

6) Bobcats Clue

Not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven.. Eight. Eight wins. It’s the suspense thriller known as Bobcats Clue! Which player is responsible for having a -300 on court rating and leading the team into a dark treacherous abyss? It is up to YOU, to find them. So they can be made Team Captain of course!

*All proceeds go to Nike Air Jordan Shoe Super Fun-Time Camp- “Factories”*

 

7) Mike Brown Pictionary

Get your pencils ready! Scribble down complex looking offensive schemes that pretty much consist of walk down court, pass to Kobe. Or!! Pass to Gasol, who then passes it to Bynum, who passes it to Kobe. It’s Mike Brown Pictionary!

*Actual Offensive Scheme not included*

 

8) Blazers Operation

Grab the patented Blazer tweezers and keep your hand steady. Wait, what’s that what do you hear? The sound of success of course! A childhood favorite, it’s your job to keep injured players out, collect the insurance money, then waive said player. It’s Blazers Operation, where players enter the operating table and stay there!

*Couch token and broken dreams included*

 

9) Billy King’s Risk

Will you get rid of precious lottery picks or just trade for Gerald Wallace? It’s Billy King’s Risk, where anything goes! Except wins, playoffs or future revenue that is. Join Mr. King on his ride to greatness as he fills the ranks with former reality stars and Avery Johnson.

*Russian sugar daddy and Jay-Z bailouts might apply*

10) Magic Jenga

Remove pieces in futile attempt to keep the organization from toppling over. It’s Magic Jenga! The only game where no matter what you do, it leaves your home on its own! Ah, the sweet, sweet taste of victory!

*Hedo not included. Hedo’s contract included*

 

Written by Nir Regev

The Rise and Fall of Bryan Colangelo: Part 2

March 29, 2012   ·   1 Comment   ·   By


Bryan Colangelo: Culture of Success
Culture of Success
Bryan Colangelo, is a man that can spot talent.. As long as he’s the one drafting it that is. For all the criticism over his one folly of a number 1 draft pick, Colangelo has been highly successful in scouting absolutely fantastic players. Then trading them immediately afterwards. Clearly, he is a man that believes in delayed satisfaction much to the detriment of his fanbase.

He drafted Steve Nash than traded him, Luol Deng, David Lee, Marcin Gortat.. This list goes on and on. Like an insecure frosh girl at an Ivy League school, Colangelo appears never proud of his intellectual prowess when it comes to drafting talent, after talent. Giving them away. For some reason (that reason being financial on the Suns), he is the go to guy for other teams to obtain great players easily. Santa Colangelo always delivers, just make sure you have the future second picks and cash considerations. For other teams, almost every Colangelo trade ends up being Christmas in July.

The difference between his time building his label as a top GM on the Phoenix Suns and the Toronto Raptors, is well, Canada. On the Raptors there were no second chances to fix his previous mistakes. Unfortunately, most of the league’s players don’t consider Toronto a top destination to reside in. As a result, Colangelo was forced to build his brand of success a different way across the border. Using European players who enjoyed the rewards of the cosmopolitan city and didn’t have any familiar attachments back in the states.

The Early Years
In the beginning, Bryan Colangelo was hailed as the savior of a franchise devastated in the wake of superstar Vince Carter’s departure. Colangelo, was in a do no-wrong position with his glamorous Phoenix Suns tenure and the absolute dismal performance of former Raptor GM Rob Babcock. Raptor fans clamored for anything that resembled successful team building. In Colangelo, Raptor faithfuls believed they had discovered their long sought-after answer. Their prayers had been answered! In fact, many felt the league itself had assigned Colangelo to the franchise to change the plight of the Canadian NBA chapter.

One of Colangelo’s first big moves, as part of the franchise, was trading the very first highly criticized move of his predecessor. The 8th pick of the 2004 NBA draft, Rafel Araújo. There were rumors Araújo had experimented with steroids, based on testing positive for the steroid nandroline. Araújo, received a lot of flack simply for being picked in front of Andre Iguodala. The rumors of steroid use had damaged Araújo image, and Colangelo did not thank twice before hitting the almighty trade switch. He obtained Kris Humphries and Robert Whaley from the Utah Jazz, a solid return.

Colangelo, then proceeded to eliminate the heinous taste of the Vince Carter trade by ridding the team of Eric Williams. Williams, had originally been obtained from the New Jersey Nets in Rob Babcock’s notorious trade of Vince Carter. For Matt Bonner, Eric Williams, and a 2nd round draft pick, Bryan Colangelo would bring abroad the first European of his Rapture tenure Rasho Nesterovic.. The first of hundreds to come.

Stay tuned for Part 3, where we’ll look at how one innocent ‘Executive of the Year’ award would foreshadow the next several years of the Toronto Raptors!

Bryan Colangelo: Still Better Than Rob Babcock

Written by Nir Regev

Previous Parts:
The Rise and Fall of Bryan Colangelo: Part 1

The Rise and Fall of Bryan Colangelo: Part 3

March 7, 2012   ·   No Comments   ·   By


Bryan Colangelo and Hedo Turkoglu: Toronto Raptors

The Beginning of the End

Flashback 2006. NBA Draft. First Pick. The stakes couldn’t possibly be higher. It was make or break time. The key moment to separate the men from the boys. The Babcocks, from the Bufords.

Would Bryan Colangelo make the right choice for the Toronto Raptors? Would he bring joy and pride to the Canadian nation? Or would he fluster and flake at the last moment and make the ever so classic ‘bold’ pick? A move today’s GM can’t help themselves but do. An unshakeable desire to prove they knew better than the rest of the NBA populace, from Darko to Thabbet. Full of celebrated ego, confusion, and a future on lottery island.

Executive of the Year

Never to be outdone by other victory cigar wielding contemporaries, Bryan Colangelo would draft the NBA’s first ever European number one draft pick: Andrei Bargnani. Forever entrenching himself between Michael Jordan and Joe Dumars on the great Mount Failmore of NBA draft success!

Colangelo’s next move: trading rookie of the year runner-up Charlie Villanueva for T.J Ford . Good ole’ Colangelo felt Villanueva, was hindering their almighty franchise Raptor Chris Bosh from leaping to his maximum potential. Bosh would of course, later repay Colangelo by leaving the Raptors with absolutely nothing to join the Heat. Scorched Earth. Not even a Kraft dinner as a thank you gift! This move would claim severe repercussions for both Colangelo and a Canadian fanbase, now reeling in agony without their team’s logo.

EuroFever

The year is 2007, and Eurofever has struck Colangelo drunk with lust for anything even mildly resembling Europeans. There is a heist in the Euroleague and Colangelo is the leading suspect and culprit. He literally robs the league blind overnight and gets former Euro MVP Anthony Parker, and Spanish sensation Jorge Garbajosa. Colangelo, then obtains the remaining leftover players (Fred Jones) who are actually willing to play for Canada, (or at least didn’t know where Toronto was located till the last second) and the Raptors are good to go!

Sam Mitchell, the Raptors head coach, leads the team to a .500 record for the first time since the Vince Carter days and wins the NBA’s Coach of the Year award! Only to be fired about a year or so later. Bryan Colangelo, wins the NBA’s Executive of the Year award for actually getting a farm team into the NBA playoffs!

The Result
So what happens? The New Jersey Nets handily eliminate the Toronto Raptors in 6 games in the 1st round of the playoffs. Colangelo becomes seduced by his Euro addiction, his mild success an enabler. The treadmill era officially begins!

Stay Tuned for Part 4, where we’ll look at how one playoff birth lead to several lottery ones!

 

Bryan Colangelo: Loving Three Point Chuckers Like The Rest of Us. A Common Man.

Written by Nir Regev

Previous Parts:
The Rise and Fall of Bryan Colangelo: Part 1
The Rise and Fall of Bryan Colangelo: Part 2

Elite Xtreme Comedy

February 15, 2009   ·   No Comments   ·   By


exc-saturday-night-fights-logo

There comes a time in every company’s life where decisions have to be made. Xtreme decisions. So ‘Xtreme’ that the company folds hilariously days later. Today we take a look at one company’s rise to the top! Their journey from CBS to PBS, and how to properly build a company around some guy you saw on Youtube.

October 2008. EliteXC is slowly gaining viewership. But they’re hurting, Shamwow commercials prove to be stiff competition and it looks like reaching the coveted 1.0 rating will never happen. For months, EliteXC had relied on a steady stream of viewers who had forgotten to turn off their TV when their program came on. Then suddenly like all great things that never last, cable boxes start to come out with a feature to auto-shut off. Alas, ratings are slashed in half. The company panics and an emergency board meeting is called.

Discussions are held to decide whose at fault. Executive hands tremble as they attempt to deflect the blame to the cable companies. Amidst the chaos the answer comes. Kimbo Slice. “Well he kind of looked like Mr. T”, recalls David Marshall, former Chairmen of EliteXC. Marshall had spent the last year in isolation watching videos on the internet, this was a man who knew what was up. Mainly losing millions of dollars annually. Slice,was ready for the big time, for prime time.

It was on. EliteXC would obtain legendary UFC fighter Ken Shamrock to take on Kimbo. Shamrock, more famously known for having his ‘sister’ sleep with pro-wrestling superstar Val Venis, would do his best to promote the fight. He just wasn’t serious about actually fighting. “I was just playing guys”, recalls Shamrock. In a desperate last ditch move to save the event, EliteXC would choose former Ultimate Fighter trainee and rejected UFC fighter Seth Petruzelli to do the honors. EliteXC would bank on Kimbo easily finishing a youngster like Seth and continuing his legend.

Naturally, Seth would go on to easily beat Kimbo in fourteen seconds by TKO. CBS dropped the show, Kimbo went back to Youtube, and the company would close a week later. In a final address to EliteXC fans, former Chairmen David Marshall had this to say, “But, would I do it all over again? Yes… I wouldn’t change a thing”

Knicks 2009 Garden Pamphlet

February 11, 2009   ·   No Comments   ·   By


Knicks 2009

We here at the Knicks appreciate you coming down in support of your favorite team! That being whatever team the Knicks are playing that night. You may have seen Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant score 61 points in our house this week… That’s making history, and that’s the Knicks superstar guarantee!

Some people (mean people) have criticized our team for poor defense in the past, but they’re just not using the proper terms. We like to think of it as “offensive enhancement” We’re simply good sportsmen, and here at the Knicks we believe everyone deserves to win… As long as they’re not playing for us. I’d also like to clear the air on some rumors. Rumor has it we won’t miss the lottery this year. I’m proud to say those rumors are false! Of course there’s always a chance the rest of the league goes on strike or gets injured leaving a wide-open chance for the Knicks! But we don’t like to discuss risks here at the Knicks. Unless you can bring them to us with 70 million dollar contracts over 6 years.  

Besides we value your free time! We know you have your favorite shows, and there’s some things in life that take priority over us. Like other teams. What’s that you’ve already stopped paying attention to this pamphlet? You say there’s a Lakers pamphlet going around?! We totally understand. See you next year, same time, same record! 

P.S….

Could you get us a copy of the Lakers pamphlet? Thanks.

Yours Truly,

The New York Knicks

Why “RealGMers” Should Never Actually Be GMs

February 8, 2009   ·   2 Comments   ·   By


Why “RealGMers” Should Never Actually Be GMs

RealGMers
This is how I picture a meeting with typical RealGMers in charge. Notice the lack of females at the table? That’s no accident. Pssh, the RealGMer doesn’t need that!!! There’s more important issues to be discussed. Like Kobe’s efficiency from halfcourt or what kind of dump KG took last week. Inevitably, upon several weeks here you’ll come to understand the truths RealGMers hold dear:

1)Age:
realgm-draft
The age of the NBA player is supremely important!! Any player who’s played more than a year in the league should be traded for draft picks. You don’t need those pesky veterans on your team! They might bring in wins, and ruin chances at the lottery. RealGMers love when their team most resembles high school varsity. They also despise the age limit. The correct number is right out of the vagina! RealGMers would then predictably trade the baby a month later. Probably for the draft rights to an infant yet to be born and cash.

2) Underrated
joakim_noah
Role players are underrated. Superstars are overrated. Don’t forget this cardinal rule, even when your team misses the playoffs. RealGMers love finding a diamond in the rough… Because then they can trade him for higher draft picks later. The key to knowing when a player is no longer underrated is when he’s about to get a larger contract. Then that greedy bastard better get out! RealGMers secretly aspire to be Donald Sterling.

When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong: Randy Couture Edition

January 26, 2009   ·   No Comments   ·   By


couture-keep-it-real

At 45 years old, Randy Couture had it all. Money, fame, a distinctly shiny head. There was even talk Randy was about to land a major prime time gig on television!

Alas it was not the right time and the chance to star in a breakthrough role as Mr. Clean was lost… Pretty much when the company remembered they could just hire some ‘animators’ overseas  for half a rupee a year . No matter, Randy was on top of the world! He knew negotiations would resume if he just had one more fight, the fight to end all fights.

brock-lesnar-pictures12

Unfortunately, this was the picture Randy would receive from the UFC upon requesting a challenger. This ‘Brock’ looked like nothing more than mere accountant fodder. And so it wouldn’t be long before Randy used his intuition to decide this was the man he wanted to face after having spent the last year at home watching Murphy Brown reruns.

Randy knew what he was doing, he was ‘the natural’, this ‘Brock’ was a nobody. Randy would train by new age radical methods. Mainly purchasing Smackdown for Playstation and beating Brock in it. A ‘simulation’ if you will. Oh it was on, and no accountant pro wrestler would stand in the way of Randy’s rightful place as king of the octagon!

Upon arriving to the press conference Randy asked the reporters where this ‘Brock’ was because he needed someone to do his taxes.

brocklesnar11

Then Brock entered the room.

Randy Couture Shocked

It was in this moment Randy made the decision. The decision to Keep it Real. Sure this Lesnar outweighed him by a good 50 pounds, but damn it he was a pro wrestler! This would be another David Vs Goliath style fight. Except the last time Randy had used a slingshot he was forty years younger. And slingshots weren’t allowed in the octagon.

Randy Couture Vs Brock Lesnar

This would definitely go well

UFC 91 Brock Lesnar Vs Randy Couture

Hmmm… Maybe not.

UFC fans would go into a state of shock and denial. ‘Captain America’, the reigning UFC champion, had just been taken down by a pro wrestler and a Rock Bottom was not even involved.

Brock Lesnar staredown

Just another example of what can happen when Keeping it Real Goes Wrong

Page 1 of 212