Why “RealGMers” Should Never Actually Be GMs

This is how I picture a meeting with typical RealGMers in charge. Notice the lack of females at the table? That’s no accident. Pssh, the RealGMer doesn’t need that!!! There’s more important issues to be discussed. Like Kobe’s efficiency from halfcourt or what kind of dump KG took last week. Inevitably, upon several weeks here you’ll come to understand the truths RealGMers hold dear:

The age of the NBA player is supremely important!! Any player who’s played more than a year in the league should be traded for draft picks. You don’t need those pesky veterans on your team! They might bring in wins, and ruin chances at the lottery. RealGMers love when their team most resembles high school varsity. They also despise the age limit. The correct number is right out of the vagina! RealGMers would then predictably trade the baby a month later. Probably for the draft rights to an infant yet to be born and cash.

2) Underrated
Role players are underrated. Superstars are overrated. Don’t forget this cardinal rule, even when your team misses the playoffs. RealGMers love finding a diamond in the rough… Because then they can trade him for higher draft picks later. The key to knowing when a player is no longer underrated is when he’s about to get a larger contract. Then that greedy bastard better get out! RealGMers secretly aspire to be Donald Sterling.