“Getting drafted by the team you didn’t want: 5 million dollars”

“Threatening to sit out the year rather than playing in freakin’ Milwaukee: Free publicity”

“Being guaranteed 25 minutes a game and showing up whenever you feel like it…. Priceless”

“Dr. Duncan M.D”

“Let me have a look at the patient”

“I–“

“I’m sorry there’s nothing I can do”

“Duncan!!!!”

“Fine….”

*Later*

“The operation was a success but the patient didn’t make it”

“Exciting NBA Finals between the Spurs and the Cavs!!!”

“Bang! What an exciting game between Lebron Hughes and Tim Bowen!!! Somebody picked up a foul, but I’ll be damned if I can say their name correctly…. Bang!!!!!”

“Everything I predict will happen doesn’t happen. I’m only here because Tom Tolbert felt the job was beneath him”

“Ratings”:

“Hold it!

“Hold it!!!!”

“Hold it!!!!!!”

“Flop!!!!!!!!!!”

The keys to rebuilding a team are simple.

Step 1-Trade Star player, get 12th pick in the draft.
Step 2-??????
Step 3-Profit

“But Mr. King, what’s step 2?”

“This conference is over sir. Good day”

“Devin! Devin! Is it true Mark is going a different direction this summer! Is it a trade, workout regimen! Please give us the scoop!”

“Well I don’t know about Dirk, but Mark was pretty clear on what I’d be doing”

“Stan I’m glad you came here today. I have a job offer for you”

“Good to be here so what is it? A head coaching job?”

“Yes, I’d like you to coach–”

“I’ll take the job”

“The Pacers”

“Ohhh… I’m gonna have to get back to you on that, I’m kind of doing something right now”

“I’ve decided to step down from my position as head coach of the Heat”

“But the team was doing so well. What’s made you want to leave after making the ECF last year?”

“Pat’s making me.”

“Stan, what did we talk about?”

“I mean personal reasons, I have my own reasons for leaving”

“Dr. Buss! How do you respond to Kobe’s allegation’s that you’re not trying to improve the Lakers?

“Ko- Who? Sorry I’m busy right now”