“How To Draft A Bust”

The Foreign Guy Method:

This method has been passed down from one generation to the next. Take the Euro guy… Or the Chinese guy. It doesn’t really matter, as long as nobody knows anything about them. Not even you! The lesser the better. In fact strive to find a player coming from the most obscure of leagues. A league so remote, they might not even have cameras yet! But if they do, they should provide nice healthy footage like this:

I retrieved that one straight out of Joe Dumar’s personal stash! Remember, fans love the unknown. Always do the unexpected. Superstar college ball player leading his team to the final 4?? I don’t think so! You need to draft that one guy Tskzievillizicrapllliiia. For reference sakes, if you can pronounce it, he probably isn’t foreign enough. Don’t make the wrong choice!

The best part about drafting the foreign guy is well, they’ll work for anything. It doesn’t matter what the team, they’ll stay loyal. Even if you’re in Canada! But there is one exception… Milwaukee. Yes, Milwaukee isn’t quite a favorite among foreigners.. Or anyone for that matter. But fear not aspiring Bucks GMs! There’s hope yet!

The Larry Harris Method:

If somehow you’ve ended up in Milwaukee and unable to escape this method should be applied. Is there a player that doesn’t wanna come to your team? Draft him anyway. In fact laugh while doing it. If you can’t leave Milwaukee nobody else can either.

‘The Refusal’

One problem you might run into is lack of cooperation. Every once in a while, some player will think he can out think you. He won’t put his signature down on the dotted line and make demands. Fortunately, this is a minor issue for the Larry Harris method! Here take a look at how Larry himself gets the contracts signed:

‘Watch the Bucks’

Larry’s own patented method is as scary as they come. Simply take the resisting player to a closed room and force them to watch a Bucks game. After five, maximum of ten minutes (though no one has ever come close), the boredom will become so large the player will sign anything! Just make it stop!